Fresh and Funny Tweets That Made It Past the Drafts Folder (March 4, 2023)

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  • 01
    Font - The Minnesota department of transportation ran a snowplow naming contest and the results are v good Rank Name 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Sam Seely @samseely 9 10 Yer a Blizzard, Harry Blizzo Clearopathtra Better Call Salt Han Snowlo Blader Tot Hotdish Scoop! There it is Sleetwood Mac Taylor Drift Sir Plows-a-Lot 11:32 AM 2/28/23 139K Views 195 Retweets 36 Quotes 1,819 Likes Votes 15,248 14,935 12,729 12,112 11,361 10,901 10,728 10,397 9,921 9,741
  • 02
    Tie - mi$$ leø @kinebrionne running into someone but we both go the same way 11:35 AM 2/27/23 2M Views 9,979 Retweets 905 Quotes 79.5K Likes
  • 03
    Line - Liz Allman Seccuro @LizSeccuro So, without telling anyone, Dave Grohl brought his giant smoker and cooked/fed barbecue and sides for 500 folks at Hope Mission in L.A. during the storms. Paid for it all. Worked 16 hours. So, when the aliens get here and ask "who's in charge?", I think we take them to Dave Grohl. HUTUST bricked white Sanduch Brat Quand D
  • 04
    Rectangle - Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy we wiped out Subway's natural predator (Quiznos) and now the population has grown out of control SUBWAY SUBWAY SUBWAY Bolla. Dragon CHINESE RESTAURANT SUBWAY SALLY BEAUTY SUPPLY SUBWAY 10:54 AM 3/1/23 1.4M Views . NAIL FASHION & SPA 3,480 Retweets 149 Quotes 44.8K Likes
  • 05
    Food - Annaliese @AHHHnnaliese who is 5'1 everyone hates that I put all my prescriptions in one bottle 201 HA Heindel VYVANLE NS
  • 06
    Cat - want chimken 200 cats being weird little guys @weirdlilguys A WANN ALT TWO GOO GESA 6:38 PM 2/26/23 4.9M Views Appar da : VERTICAL ROOTs GREEN BUTTER LIVING LETTUCE 4M
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    Glasses - ali is off the job market :) @endingwithali You're telling me I didn't get the senior dev role? ALT HOLL GEBCON V
  • 08
    Gesture - Breezy' @OvOBrezzzy Iron man when avengers asked him why he brought a 15 year old into a fight 12:43 PM 2/28/23 4.4M Views . INGGASSE 7,748 Retweets 209 Quotes 120K Likes ...
  • 09
    Smile - wannabe maxine shaw @stillnotziora i hate atlanta MYNT FRIDAYS PRESENTS WHOLE LUTTA Raleha SHIT FRIDAY MAR 3RD INVITED TWERK CONTEST LWICASH PRIZE myn RESTAURANT + LOUNGE 5021 OLD NATIONAL HWY COLLEGE PARK, GA BIRTHDAY SECTIONS AVAILABLE // ALL BOTTLES $250 12:56 PM. 2/27/23 3.9M Views : EVERYBODY FREE TIL 10:30PM DOORS OPEN @ 9:30PM TIL 3AM// EARLY ARRIVAL HIGHLY SUGGESTED 8,632 Retweets 1,767 Quotes 68.8K Likes STATE ID OR COLLEGE ID REQUIRED FEST
  • 10
    Forehead - Alia @Aliathewhite LATINAS the day Before and After their 30th birthday Tik Tok Peruizofic 5:30 PM 2/28/23 163K Views 362 Retweets 55 Quotes 5,958 Likes
  • 11
    Font - ornstein @poopswag34 I have to go tot he hospital ornstein @poopswag34.2d Is 500mg a lot if you've never taken edibles before 5:44 PM 2/26/23 3.1M Views 3,435 Retweets 312 Quotes 63.3K Likes
  • 12
    Font - Jason Warner @jasoncwarner Son broke his laptop in frustration last night but before I could get upset he told me he was sorry & he couldn't control his anger. I asked him what he was doing & he said 'trying to use onedrive & print from 365 on Windows' & I just gave him a hug and told him "I understand" 2:28 PM 3/1/23 - 111K Views . 41 Retweets 6 Quotes 1,049 Likes
  • 13
    Product - shaq gotta be the number 1 bag chaser tetaple ncy Test ED P AY TO MEAD Slap @slvppy TEST Shaquille O'Neal's Pregnancy Test RESULTS IN 2 MINUTES Over 90% Accurate Includes 2 free Shaq stickers! Grill & Press 3-in-1: Contact Grill, Panini Press & Open Grill -Floating gill plates for food thick emble grilles & d Ademperature cont NEW Meat Destruct SHAQ LAMOWE BRISKET. CHUCK SHORT RIB BERT PATTIE 1/2 POUNDER NET WT. 32 02 (210) B 12:19 PM 2/27/23 4.1M Views new GOURMET 5,672 Retweets 610 Q
  • 14
    Eyebrow - katie @skatie420 i would be such a good "dead wife". can't you just imagine how good i would be in a dead wife flashback sequence. i should be someone's dead wife 12:20 PM 3/1/23 1.2M Views ... 2,350 Retweets 423 Quotes 61.7K Likes
  • 15
    Font - TELAHINA WILDLIFE CONSERVATION Oklahoma Department of Wildlife... @OKWildlife Dept stranger: is this snake poisonous? us: nah fam, stranger: *picks up snake, gets bitten, starts foaming at the mouth* us: it's venomous tho 12:06 PM 3/2/23 1M Views 4,763 Retweets 290 Quotes 45.1K Likes
  • 16
    Font - bobby @bobby spotify needs an irony mode. please do not incorporate LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem into my algorithm, i am holding the phone up to my pregnant wife's stomach and telling her i'm turning our kid stupid. 8:22 PM 2/27/23 218K Views 417 Retweets 14 Quotes 8,810 Likes
  • 17
    Map - Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps Election map of the USA if only one party voted Map if only Democrats voted Map if only Republicans voted H . JCC 3:27 PM 2/27/23 3.4M Views 1,676 Retweets 167 Quotes 68K Likes V M hallo
  • 18
    Water - yk da vibes @Lulstunnaa_ When moms vacuuming and she gotta get the spot under ya feet 2:21 PM 2/28/23 662K Views . ... 3,588 Retweets 220 Quotes 40.1K Likes
  • 19
    Font - christina # @chhopsky i had earned $50,000 of total wages in my entire life by the time i was 25 Because of these and other factors, the Wealthcare Financial report recommends that millennials and Gen Z aim for these financial targets: • $500,000 in retirement savings by age 25. $1 million by age 40. $2 million by age 50. $3 million by age 60. If you don't have that much saved up, you're not alone. As Motley Fool reported, a Vanguard report found that adults between the ages of 25 and 34
  • 20
    Screenshot - Vala Afshar @ValaAfshar.1d A passenger spotted this object during her flight YouTube: Kerry Forides 0:29 17.1M views From The Sun 5,165 t 9,563 John Hawkins @johnhawkinsrwn 65.5K ₁18.3M THE leg ... ←] ... Unless someone has a Patronus Charm ready to fire off at that Dementor, that plane is done for.
  • 21
    Organism - Of all the crabs in the ocean they chose the one that would fucking drown underwater The Hollywood Handle @hollywood... 1d A new official look at Sebastian in the upcoming 'THE LITTLE MERMAID' Disney live-action has been revealed in a new book cover. (Via: @mmdisney200) SHE HAP
  • 22
    Product - Jacob (the one in Georgia) @jacobposting remains very funny that Spielberg invented a girlfriend for himself in his autobiographical movie zack twitter PhD @zack69k.1d it's a crime that this didn't happen to me Goodbye, cruel world 11:00 PM 2/27/23 1.6M Views 1,657 Retweets 277 Quotes 36.4K Likes ...
  • 23
    Font - Big M @mihletshemese and his what? faith @_renaey_xx 2d That moment in a new relationship when he asks you to cook for him and his friends I'm nervous guys, help!!! 1:38 AM 2/26/23 9.8M Views • 8,587 Retweets 560 Quotes 94.6K Likes
  • 24
    Font - Bonnie Stiernberg @aahrealbonsters I gotta say, having Mark Wahlberg, who literally went to jail as a teen for committing a hate crime against a Vietnamese man, present an award to the cast of Everything Everywhere All At Once was certainly a choice 10:15 PM 2/26/23 268K Views 654 Retweets 81 Quotes 5,414 Likes
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    Font - Jill Filipovic @JillFilipovic I know it's not nice but I can't stop laughing at this tweet. Dr Naomi Wolf Retweeted Helloeveryone @Happyhello Replying to @naomirwolf I had 2 periods a month for 3 months after being around vaccinated people at a casino 12:50 AM Feb 26, 2023 334 Views 1 Retweet 3 Likes 10:28 AM 2/26/23 1.4M Views . . 683 Retweets 73 Quotes 16.5K Likes
  • 26
    Font - Hurt CoPain @Saeed DiCaprio there are like 4 ppl that hacked into my netflix from different countries so I just left them a message to try and organize a movie night with all of them dm on me twitter @saeeddi...
  • 27
    Product - jack wagner @jackdwagner it's so funny that the veggie used to make veggie chips is just a potato they are potato chips HODGAME Sens garden Straws Sea Salt 30% Less Fat Ne Artificial Favors of TIUVI Dietary Total Sugars <1g Includes Og Added Sugars Protein <1g ● Vitamin D 0mcg 0% Iron 0.6mg 4% The % Daily Value (DV) tells you how much a nutrient in a serving of food contributes to a daily diet. 2,000 calories a day is used for general nutrition advice. Calcium 80mg 6% Potassium 210mg 4
  • 28
    Sleeve - 14 troythedesigner @troythedesigner me listening to Arab Money in 8th grade $58 5:49 PM 2/27/23 from Washington, DC 3.1M Views . 7,378 Retweets 1,645 Quotes 40.8K Likes
  • 29
    Map - this question always kills me bro cuz wtf the west coast doin against Chicago, Baltimore, New York, and Wisconsin Corn * @upblissed dn @hotdogbiscuits. 3d if you split the US in half and started a war, which side winning? WASHINGTON OREGON CALIFORNIA NEVADA САНО . UTAH ARIZONA ALASKA MONTANA WYOMING COLORADO NEW MEXICO MAWAR NORTH DAKOTA SOUTH DAKOTA NEBRASKA KANSAS MINNESOTA OKLANG A TEXAS IOWA WISCONSIN MISSOURI ARKANSAS LOUISIANA 2:41 AM 2/26/23 5.7M Views MICHIGAN ILLINOIS INDIANA MISS
  • 30
    Head - Chance The Rapper @chancetherapper So I just got on this plane with my daughter, and found out our seats weren't next to each other. I really ain't wanna inconvenience anyone by asking them to swap seats, but before I could say anything this kind older gentleman offered his seat to Kensli so we could sit together. We both said thank you and as he stands up, I realize it's THE Martin Short!! So cool and Kensli freaked out cause she's obsessed with The Santa Clause 3. What an awesome person
  • 31
    Font - jay @jayythewave i'll never ask a mf "what's this song?" imma type out every word i hear on youtube 8:50 PM 2/27/23 274K Views 1,875 Retweets 182 Quotes 9,124 Likes
  • 32
    Liquid - kira* @kiracantmizz man i needed this i ain't shower in months 7:45 PM 2/26/23 1M Views : ON M
  • 33
    Gesture - 5hahem aka Dr. Durag @shaTIRED finding out your husband and onlyfans partner is your half brother is one thing, deciding to stay together is another, announcing it to the world??? i'm a bit lost for words Imao 3:21 PM 2/28/23 - 1.1M Views 1,164 Retweets 365 Quotes 16.1K Likes □ ↑ 5hahem aka Dr. Durag @shaTIRED. 4h y'all about to make it hot jfkdkdksks 27 We've been struggling how to tell people this but after much counseling & the support of our loved ones we think it is best to be hon
  • 34
    Font - JennyBuzzfeed @poisonjr texans are so scary bc they have a very mild accent so you think they're normal and let your guard down and then you offer them an orange and they say "i've never eaten fruit" 1:36 PM 2/28/23 132K Views 406 Retweets 48 Quotes 6,994 Likes
  • 35
    Product - Comet Ace @ace_cometcat GUYS I JUST CRACKED THE CODE 6:03 PM 2/27/23 384K Views . 5,210 Retweets 48 Quotes 36.4K Likes : ...
  • 36
    Font - Emperor Norton @ashleynaftule Jim Davis could be a straight-up serial killer and we'll never know. Dude was smart enough to realize that a mega money idea like "fat cat who likes lasagna" rolls around once in a lifetime and he's not about to let politics or anything else derail that gravy train 5:00 PM 2/27/23 78.2K Views 265 Retweets 11 Quotes 2,521 Likes
  • 37
    Font - wiz fajita @trillary_banks_ Michael B. Jordan is cute but doesn't have any edge. He just look... idk... responsible. He look like he know where his birth certificate at 8:52 PM 2/28/23 3.4M Views . 4,858 Retweets 4,513 Quotes 67.9K Likes
  • 38
    Font - cait @punished_cait some guy in my neighborhood posted on nextdoor bc he saw a big piece of carpet on the side of the road and thinks it may have been a deliberate attack on the city snowplows 4:29 PM 2/28/23 107K Views 42 Retweets 3 Quotes 2,084 Likes
  • 39
    Font - Hurt CoPain @Saeed DiCaprio she was so crazy for this like she didn't even give her a 5% off code Kaelynn abner @K_Abner_ Mar 15 So I realized I have to work 20 hours in order to afford @khloekardashian jeans...and I'm in love with them...catch me picking up extra shifts. 197 292 ♡ 2.6K Khloé @khloekardashian Replying to @K_Abner_ Awwwwww this is so cute!!!! I'm so happy you enjoy them 4:56 PM - 16 Mar 2019 961 Retweets 5,930 Likes 10:13 AM 3/1/23 848K Views . Following 739 Retweets 35 Qu
  • 40
    Font - finny faye @finnyfaye_ parker came home with this tattoo and is insisting it doesn't look like a pussy guys please back me up that is a eyevagina 9:39 AM 3/1/23 805K Views
  • 41
    Product - Michael Harriot @michaelharriot Front right gets all the glory, but if you're cooking something new or exotic, it'll taste better if you cook it on this eye 8:44 PM 3/2/23 32.6K Views . 10 Retweets 2 Quotes 353 Likes ...
  • 42
    Font - IT'S KENNIE AKA "THEE BROW" @KennieJD We can't all die first should have been the title The Blackening @Blackening-2d Trailer Tomorrow. MRC FROM THE DIRECTOR OF RIDE ALONG AND BARBERSHOP AND THE CO-WRITER OF GIRLS TRIP WE CAN'T ALL DIE FIRST THE BLACKENING IN THEATERS JUNE 16 LIONSGATE

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